she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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