your parents love me but you hate me
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
