OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
