just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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