I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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