i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
