Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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