So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
