Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
