He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
