I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Randomize
