the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
