can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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