omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
