Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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