I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
