im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You pole danced in your parka.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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