My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Tornado booty call.. dedication
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
