i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
