Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
