My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
