you turned your livingroom into a bong?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
