I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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