I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
