why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
