My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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