So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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