so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
