ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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