Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize