People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
