1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
