she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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