Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
