You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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