my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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