New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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