My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
