just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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