i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
