I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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