Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
How drunk are you?
Completed.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
