How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
