obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
