Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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