Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
