I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Barsexuality is the new black.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
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