I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
