God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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