Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
