he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
