OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
