I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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