bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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