i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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