Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
my liver is dry heaving
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
