she was so not down for the gang bang
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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