Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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