Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
