the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Randomize
