he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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