I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
North Korea, Best Korea!
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Randomize
