For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
