I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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