Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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