I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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