I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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