it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
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