I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
