I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
