i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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