I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
