remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Someone signed my nipple.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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