eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
