Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
