Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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