Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
