cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
