So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
