the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
