You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
